A viral figure on TikTok, he blurs the line between authenticity and calculated charm.

You spot him before he says a word: sitting at a caf&eacute; with a matcha in hand, deep into the latest Booker Prize novel. Cut-off denim shorts, legs confidently crossed. A pinky ring glinting in the sun, a silver chain grazing his collarbone. He looks like he walked out of a fashion editorial. This is the &ldquo;performative male&rdquo; &mdash; a character flooding TikTok, independent coffee shops, and city parks.
Lately, it feels like the streets themselves have turned into a stage. The performative male makes sure you notice the feminist paperback tucked under his arm, the roll of film he insists on developing, the earnest monologue about consent. Nothing is accidental. Every gesture is curated, every accessory calibrated. He isn&rsquo;t just a man; he&rsquo;s a performance.

From &ldquo;Soft Boy&rdquo; to Cultural Script

The performative male didn&rsquo;t come out of nowhere. He&rsquo;s the natural successor to the &ldquo;soft boy,&rdquo; that sensitive counterpoint to toxic masculinity who rose to prominence a few years ago. But this new version takes it further: he doesn&rsquo;t just project vulnerability, he mirrors exactly what women say they want to see. Think feminist reading lists, indie playlists, black-and-white Instagram photos, progressive story reposts. A breadcrumb trail of green flags leading right back to him.
The tension, of course, is whether he believes in any of it. Is he genuinely living these values, or just smart enough to know that in 2025, seduction is more about virtue signaling than bravado?

When Performance Turns Competitive

In cities like New York and Chicago, the trend has even spawned ironic &ldquo;performative male competitions.&rdquo; Contestants show up in thrifted trousers, strumming Joni Mitchell covers on acoustic guitars, tote bags filled with tampons &ldquo;just in case.&rdquo; Masculinity, here, is measured by how convincingly you can play empathy.
Fashion and behavior merge into a catalogue of tells: high-hem shorts, heavy silver jewelry, a paperback peeking out of the back pocket, a &ldquo;spontaneous&rdquo; bouquet of flowers that doesn&rsquo;t actually look spontaneous. And always, the tote bag &mdash; often paired with wired headphones for that studied, analog aesthetic.

This is where the figure becomes slippery. Some performative males really do read bell hooks, track their astrological charts, and engage seriously with feminism. But the repetition of tropes &mdash; and the obviousness with which they&rsquo;re displayed &mdash; makes the whole thing feel suspect. What starts as an opening toward softer masculinity risks collapsing into a costume designed for the female gaze.
That&rsquo;s the ambiguity: on one hand, the performative male pushes culture toward something less rigid, less macho, more open. On the other, he risks turning values into props &mdash; feminism as accessory, sensitivity as currency.

TikTok has already given the archetype its peak form: the &ldquo;performative final boss.&rdquo; Tote bag slung over one shoulder, paperback novel in full view, round glasses in place, matcha foam carefully staged. The look is flawless, the act complete. But the question hangs in the air: if everything is a performance, what&rsquo;s left of the man behind it?

Getty Images.

Why Everyone’s Talking About the Rise of the ‘Performative Male’

Why Everyone’s Talking About the Rise of the ‘Performative Male’

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